I Always Loved Comedy, But It Never

I Think My Friend Jeff Is Gay. I Don't Know - I'm So Bad With Names.

You'll Get My Assault Weapon When You Pry It Out Of My Curious Six-year-old's Cold Dead Hands.

I Don't Have A Type, Really. But I've Always Been More Attracted To Girls Who Yell Fire.

My Girlfriend Loves To Eat Chocolate. She's Always Eating Chocolate. And She Likes To Joke She's Got A Chocolate Addiction. You Know, She'd Be Like Keep Me Away From Those Chocolate Bars, I'm Addicted To Them. And It's Really Annoying. So One Day I Put Her In The Car And I Drove Her Downtown And I Pointed Out A Crack Addict. And I Said You See That Honey? Why Can't You Be That Skinny?

I Didn't Care About The Backlash. I Think The Reason It Was So Severe Was Because They Didn't Know Anything About Me In New Zealand. If I Had Made Jokes About A Shark Attack In The Us, No One Would Have Cared.