Honestly, I Just Want To Keep People

Thank You 'adults Who Wear Back Packs' For Letting Me Know That I Don't Have To Take You Seriously

I Just Heard About A Woman In Germany Who Just Gave Birth To A Baby Boy Named "jihad." Or As The Tsa Put It, "hope You Like Amtrak!

I Haven't Been On A Date In Awhile. I Went On Maybe Two Dates In My Whole Life.

Thank You... Motion Sensor Hand Towel Machine. You Never Work, So I Just End Up Looking Like I'm Waving Hello To A Wall Robot.

I, Of Course, Wanted To Do Something With Drew Barrymore. Please. So We Were Reading Scripts Back And Forth And Then We Found This Script, Fever Pitch...