He's So Fat, He Can Be His

Mail Your Packages Early So The Post Office Can Lose Them In Time For Christmas.

Democracy Is Welcoming People From Other Lands, And Giving Them Something To Hold Onto. Usually A Mop Or A Leaf Blower.

It Was So Hot Today That Burger King Was Singing, "if You Want It Your Way, Cook It Yourself".

I'm An Entertainer; I Try To Give The Public What It Wants While I'm On The Screen, And I'm Completely Sincere About It. If I Don't Happen To Be A Laughing Boy Off The Screen, That Doesn't Make Me A Hypocrite Or A Phony.

Find Me Any Performer Anywhere Who Isn't Egocentric. You'd Better Believe You're Good, Or You've Got No Business Being Out There.