Here's The Latest From The Pentagon --

President Bush Said He Was 'troubled' By Gay People Getting Married In San Francisco. He Said On Important Issues Like This The People Should Make The Decision, Not Judges. Unless Of Course We're Choosing A President, Then He Prefers Judges.

The Flinstones Wore Furs, They Ate Red Meat, And Had A Stoneage Philosophy. In Fact, They Were The First Republicans.

Tomorrow, America's Most Famous Hockey Mom, Sarah Palin, Will Drop The Ceremonial First Puck At The Philadelphia Flyers Game. Right Afterwards, She'll Get Out On The Ice And Skate Around Reporters' Questions, So It Should Be Interesting.

John Kerry Has Promised To Take This Country Back From The Wealthy. Who Better Than The Guy Worth $700 Million To Take The Country Back? See, He Knows How The Wealthy Think. He Can Spy On Them At His Country Club, At His Place In Palm Beach, At His House In The Hamptons. He's Like A Mole For The Working Man.

Magic Johnson, Former Basketball Player, May Run For Mayor Of L.a. In The Next Election. Remember The Good 'ol Days When Only Qualified People Ran For Office Like Actors And Professional Wrestlers.