Go Through Your Phone Book, Call People

Mitt Romney Is Coming Under Fire Because Even Though He Is A Multimillionaire, He Only Paid 15 Percent In Taxes. That's Not A Tax, That's Barely A Tip.

A New Study Published By The British Medical Journal Found That Inactivity Can Kill You. I Mean, These Are The Kind Of Findings That Just Scare The Hell Out Of Congress.

This Week The White House Proposed Fingerprinting And Photographing Foreign Visitors So They Can Do Background Checks. Officials In Saudi Arabia Said This Will Only Increase Anti-american Feelings In The Mideast. Is That Possible? Gee, You Hate To Have People Dislike Us For No Reason. Things Were Going So Well.

It Is Day Two Of The Democratic Convention, And Apparently They Had A Huge Lighting Problem In The Convention Hall Today. They Worked All Day On It. They Still Couldn't Get President Obama Out Of Bill Clinton's Shadow.

The United States Military Is Now Using The Music Of Metallica And Other Heavy Metal Bands To Break The Will Of Saddam Hussein Supporters To Get Them To Talk. Theyre Blaring Heavy Metal Music At Them. That Should Make The Artist Feel Pretty Good, Huh? Put Your Heart And Soul Into Your Last Cd And The Army Is Using It To Torture People.