Everybody Was Upset That Vladimir Putin Was

I Got A Call From My Mom Today, She Says, 'well, David, I See You Didn't Get The 'tonight Show' Again.'

Trump Says That If He's Elected, He Won't Let The Presidency Interfere With The Miss Universe Pageant.

I Want To Tell You Though, I'm Having The Absolute Best Birthday Ever. Last Night -- This Was So Sweet, It Means A Great Deal To Me -- The Other Cult Members Got Together And They All Took Me Out To See Star Wars.

Now There Are Reports That Osama Bin Laden Would Like To Commit Suicide On Television. This Is The Kind Of Lead-in I Have Been Praying For Every Since I Came To Cbs. Bin Laden Is Planning A Televised Suicide Or, As I Call It, Hosting The Academy Awards.

Iraqi's Minister Of Information Did Not Show Up For His Press Conference Today. However, He Claims He Was There And He Said It Went Very Well.