Even The Worst Comic Is At Least

I Read That Nine Out Of 10 Women Fantasize About Having An Unknown Man Leap Through Their Bedroom Window At Night And Make Mad, Passionate Love To Them. Who Would Think With Those Odds, I Would Now Be Facing 150 Hours Of Community Service.

You Know What I Hate The Most? People That Imitate Owls.

People Come Up To Me And Say, 'emo, Do People Really Come Up To You?'

I Pray A Simple Prayer Every Morning. It's An Ecumenical Prayer. Whether You're Catholic Or Jewish Or Muslim Or Hindu, I Think It Speaks To The Heart Of Every Faith. It Goes “lord Please Break The Laws Of The Universe For My Convenience. Amen.”

I'm Not A Fatalist; Even If I Were, What Could I Do About It?