Dude, I Didn't Say Jude Law Can't

My Goal In Life Was To Host The Mtv Awards, Because It's The Awards Show That Prince Sang On, And That Was The Awards Show That Eddie Murphy Hosted And Arsenio Hosted.

I Don't Write Jokes First. I Write Down Topics. I Think Of What I Want To Talk About, And Then I Write The Jokes - They Don't Write Me... And Even If You Don't Think It's Funny, You Won't Think It's Boring. You Might Disagree, But You'll Listen. And Maybe Even Laugh As You Disagree.

Never Go To Clubs With Metal Detectors. Sure It Feels Safe Inside. But What About All Those Niggas Waiting Outside With Guns? They Know You Ain't Got One.

It Used To Take Years To Become A Junkie. But Crack Cut That Down To 37 Minutes.

If A Woman Tells You She's Twenty And Looks Sixteen, She's Twelve. If She Tells You She's Twenty-six And Looks Twenty-six, She's Damn Near Fourty.