Disgusting. I Just Found My Grandpa's Viagra.

With Comics, You Always Talk About A Big Break, But There Are A Lot Of Big Breaks In Your Life And Not One Of Them Makes A Big Difference.

I'm Really Proud Of The Album. It's Something I Always Wanted To Do But I Had To Wait Until I Was Ready. Shakespeare Is A Culmination Of Eight Years Of Stand Up Experience And Joke Writing. I Recorded Two Shows At The Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre In New York. The Crowds Were Great And That's What Really Makes An Album.

My Girlfriend Has The Greatest Story As To Why She Isn't Religious Anymore. When She Was A Kid, Like 12 Years Old, Her Parents Nailed A 25 Pound Crucifix To The Wall Right Above Her Bed. About Two Weeks Later, In The Middle Of The Night, The Crucifix Falls Off The Wall And Leaves A Two Inch Gash In The Back Of Her Dad's Head.

The Best Way To Break Up With A Girl Is Like I'm Taking Off A Band-aid. Slowly And In The Shower.

I Can't Talk Politics With My Cousin Because He's Such A Hypocrite. He's Against The Death Penalty And He Hanged Himself.