Democracy Means Free Television, Not Good Television,

Despite The Fact That Computer Speeds Are Measured In Nanoseconds And Picoseconds - One Billionth And One Trillionth Of A Second, Respectively - The Smallest Interval Of Time Known To Man Is That Which Occurs In Manhattan Between The Traffic Signal Turning Green And The Taxi Driver Behind You Blowing His Horn.

Your Chances Of Getting Hit By Lighting Go Up If You Stand Under A Tree, Shake Your Fist At The Sky, And Say "storms Suck!!

Anytime Four New Yorkers Get Into A Cab Together Without Arguing, A Bank Robbery Has Just Taken Place.

Having Money Gives Me The Freedom To Worry About The Things That Really Matter.

I Play My Life Straight - The Way I See It. I'm Grateful To Audiences For Watching Me And For Enjoying What I Do - But I'm Not One Of Those Who Believe That A Successful Entertainer Is Made By The Public, As Is So Often Said.