Democracy Is Buying A Big House You

When The Public Starts Classifying You As Thoughtful, Someone Given To Serious Issues, You Find Yourself Declassified As A Humorist.

There's A Big Difference Between Being A Loner And Being Lonely. I'm Far From Lonely. My Day Is Full Of Things I Enjoy, Starting With My Show. Any Time My Work Is Going Well And I Have A Relationship With A Woman That's Pretty Solid, That Does It For Me.

If It Weren't For Philo T. Farnsworth, Inventor Of Television, We'd Still Be Eating Frozen Radio Dinners.

Democracy Is Welcoming People From Other Lands, And Giving Them Something To Hold Onto. Usually A Mop Or A Leaf Blower.

Do You Know My Dream? I Really Want To Become An Aluminum-siding Salesman.