Because I Have A Girlfriend, I Try

I Had A Sense Of Who I Was Before I Got Famous.

I Really Never Had Any Ambitions To Be A Standup Comic. I Was Talked Into It By Guys That I Used To Work Out With.

I Don't Really Like Actors. Actors Are Like Terrible Comedians With No Punch Lines. It's All About Them. They Talk About Themselves All The Time. They Bore The Sh - T Out Of You.

The Time You Spend Hating On Someone Robs You Of Your Own Time. You Are Literally Hating On Yourself And You Don't Even Realize It.

If You Can Lie, You Can Act, And If You Can Lie To Crazy Girlfriends, You Can Act Under Pressure.