Aren't You Something," Grandma Said. "i Never

My Eyes Rolled So Far Back In My Head That I Could See Myself Think

A Woman's Never Too Old To Make An Idiot Of Herself. It Goes Along With Equality Of The Sexes And Potty Parity.

Lula's Borderline Too Much Of A Good Thing In Lots Of Ways. It Isn't Exactly That Lula Is Fat; It's More That She's Too Short For Her Weight And Her Clothes Are Too Small For The Volume Of Flesh She Carries.

I Paused For A Light At Hamilton And Twlfth And Noticed The Nissan Was Running Rough At Idle. Two Blocks Later It Backfired And Stalled. I Coaxed It Into The Center Of The City. Ffft, Ffft, Ffft, Kapow! Ffft, Ffft, Ffft, Kapow! A Trans Am Pulled Up Next To Me At A Light. The Trans Am Was Filled With High School Kids. One Of Them Stuck His Head Out Of The Passenger-side Window. "hey Lady," He Said. "sounds Like You Got A Fartmobile." I Flipped Him An Italian Goodwill Gesture And Pulled The Ball Cap Low On My Forehead. (three To Get Deadly)

He Rooted For The Mets, He Wore Foot Of The Loom Underwear, And He Drove A Buick. His Loyalties Were Carved In Stone And He Wasn't About To Be Impressed With Some Upstart Of A Toaster Salesman Who Drove A Bonneville.