Apparently President Obama's Favorite Cocktail Is A

Anything I Learned Was Just Work Hard, Just Keep Working And Don't Worry About The Outside Stuff. Whatever Happens Will Happen.

An Internet Rumor Claims That John Kerry Had An Affair With A Young Woman. When Asked If This Was Similar To The Clinton-lewinsky Scandal, A Spokesman Said 'close, But No Cigar.'

Yesterday In Florida, President Obama Kissed A Woman On The Cheek After She Told Him He Looks Good. Which Explains Why Last Night, Michelle Made Him Sleep On Air Mattress One.

After Months Of Negotiations, Iran Has Finally Agreed To Reduce Its Nuclear Weapons Program. Which Was Great Until Putin Showed Up And Said, 'hi, I'm Here About Craigslist Ad For Nukes.'

Apparently, The Obamas Chose New York City Because They've Gotten So Used To People Trying To Break Into Their House.