And There's Something About Having An Especially

Being A Writer Is An Endless Study In Human Transition And Lessons Learned Or Forgotten Or Misapplied.

Because, Ten-year-olds Of The World, You Shouldn't Believe What Your Teachers Tell You About The Beauty And Specialness And Uniqueness Of You. Or, Believe It, Little Snowflake, But Know It Won't Make A Bit Of Difference Until After Puberty. It's Newton's Lost Law: Anything That Makes You Unique Later Will Get Your Chocolate Milk Stolen And Your Eye Blackened As A Kid. Won't It, Sebastian? Oh, Yes, It Will, My Little Mandarin Chinese-learning, Poe-reciting, High-top-wearing Friend. God Bless You, Wherever You Are.

Who Do You Have To Sleep With To Get Laid In This Town?

You Can't Possibly Fathom The Ins And Outs Of A Prepubescent Beauty Treatment Until You've Felt The Strange But Exhilarating Tingle Of A Cottage-cheese-and-pop-rocks Facial.

I Was Pretty Dorky, But There Are Tiers Of Dorkdom And I Always Had Friends, Though They Were Equally Dorky. I Was One Of Those Kids Who Contracted Cooties In The Second Grade And Then Had Cooties, Because There Wasn't A Vaccine For It. When I Was Around People, Though, I Generally Wanted To Make Them Laugh. I Told A Lot Of Stories.