Airport Screeners Are Now Scanning Holiday Fruitcakes.

Yesterday Was The New York City Marathon. Republicans Won In A Landslide.

How About That Oil Slick In The Gulf Of Mexico. And You Know, The Oil Slick Is Going Everywhere. So The Next Time Somebody Lands On The Hudson, It Won't Be That Big A Deal.

George W. Bush Has A New Campaign Slogan: "a Reformer With Results." I Don't Know What It Means [but] I Think It's Better Than His Old Campaign Slogan: "a Dumb Guy With Connections.

They Say There Are About 12 Million Illegal Immigrants In This Country. But If You Ask A Native American, That Number Is More Like 300 Million.

So The Guy Who Shot Gadhafi Was Wearing A Yankees Cap. Did You See That? If He'd Had A Boston Red Sox Hat On He Probably Would Have Missed.