A Policeman Stopped Me And Said: Would

Doctor, I Can't Pronounce My F's, T's And H's.” “well You Can't Say Fairer Than That Then

I Had A Meal Last Night. I Ordered Everything In French, Surprised Everybody. It Was A Chinese Restaurant. I Said To This Chinese Waiter, 'look, This Chicken I Got Here Is Cold.' He Said, 'it Should Be, It's Been Dead Two Weeks.'

Now You Know Those Trick Candles That You Blow Out And A Couple Of Seconds Later They Come Alight Again, Well The Other Day There Was A Fire At The Factory That Makes Them.

I Had A Ploughman's Lunch The Other Day. He Wasn't Very Happy.

And The Back Of His Anorak Was Leaping Up And Down, And People Were Chucking Money To Him. I Said 'do You Earn A Living Doing That?' He Said 'yes, This My Livelihood.'