A New Poll Found That 43 Percent

A New Report Claims That William Shakespeare Was A Marijuana User And May Have Been High When He Wrote Some Of His Plays. Which Explains That One Line: 'to Be, Or Not To Be . . . Wait, What Was The Question?'

I Feel Like I'm Being Too Zen. I'm Inhaling Too Much Patchouli And Incense. It's Embarrassing.

During His Weekly Address To The Nation, President Obama Discussed Higher Education And Said, 'the Most Important Skill You Can Sell Is Your Knowledge.' Or As English Majors Working At Starbucks Put It, 'no It's Not.'

Joe Biden Went To Brazil In An Effort To Try And Repair America's Relationship With Their Government. Biden Said, 'it's Great To Be Here In The Amazon. I've Always Wanted To See Where All The Books Come From.'

A New Study Found That Americans Are Exercising More Than Ever But Still Not Losing Much Weight. Not Good In Fact, It's All I Could Think About On My Jog To Dunkin' Donuts.