A Lot Of People Ask Me What

You Learn Who Your Friends Are When You Find Out Who Will Lie For You.

My Favorite Procrastination Is To Make The Choice To Have Valuable Times With Human Beings That I Care About Instead Of Holing Myself Up Alone To Get My Work Done.

The Comedy Store - All Three Rooms Were Filled With 800 People In The Room. And During That Time, All These Guys And Some Women, But Mostly Guys Who Weren't Funny Were Doing Stand Up For A Living; They Weren't Accountants, They Were Making $30-$50 Grand A Year On The Road, Or More.

I'm A Believer That When One Door Closes Another One Opens. But Why Does The One Opening Always Hit Me Full-speed-knob-first Into My Nuts?

I Don't Like To Drink Alone 'cause There's Nobody To Fight With.